As I’ve been re-reading Joel Friel talk about mental training for high-performance cycling and triathlon it reminded me how much “obsession” is a part of high-performance and ultra endurance sports. For me obsession with endurance sports, whether cycling, running, swimming, paddle-boarding, or alpine skiing (which I still really want to learn better) has always been a deep part of my psyche. Even when I’m mountain biking off road with friends and family it was always about “cleaning” that hill, or keeping up a great pace while still enjoying the surroundings.
Where does my obsession come from? I think it is that I—or perhaps my body—is addicted to painful suffering. I’ve written before that it isn’t the suffering that attracts me. But now I am starting to question that. I love to suffer. There’s something about knowing where my edge is and pushing to that limit that is absolutely euphorically addicting. My high-performance training this last week has really reminded me of that.
But there’s a catch. I don’t like to suffer unless I’m safe. Some people get their high by safely pushing their boundaries, others do it by being completely stupid and unsafe taking unnecessary high risks. That’s not me.
I mention all this because this idea of “obsession” is closely related to personal priorities. I feel like we should be “obsessing” about our true personal priorities all the time and letting everything that is a less priority stay where it is without thought or concern or worry, no matter what it is. So here are my priorities, they are pretty unsurprising.
Putting one’s own health above every other priority isn’t selfish. In fact, it shows those that you love that you want to be around longer to be with them.
When seating on an airplane the flight-attendant usually has to tell the parents to put the oxygen on themselves before their children. That’s because most humans would die letting their children have the oxygen first even though it means they cannot help their children after they are dead. It’s an irrational thing we parents do, and stupid.
My health is my number one priority, above every other thing. Every time I have forgotten this everything else collapses. If I still believed in God then it would also follow that the greatest gift God has given us is life itself in our bodies. Why would we do anything wrong to that most precious gift? Yet people make taking care of that gift from god the least of their priorities while still claiming to love god. You cannot love god and destroy the greatest give he/she/it gave you. It makes no sense.
I hardly see or talk to them but they are still my highest priority. I would literally do anything and everything for any one of them in need. My wife supports this priority even though they aren’t her natural born children. Having them as a priority means getting a house where they can live after college instead of two houses so I can live in the mountains. It also means making sure my step-son has the home in a location that will give him the best chance of success.
Doris defines unconditional love. Sometimes we don’t see eye-to-eye on things, but at the end of the day we absolutely are there for each other. Not live streaming has meant that I’m always here to sit on a chair in the kitchen and listen to her talk about her day, and talk about mine. It’s glorious and I never want that to change.
This priority comes out of and old-fashioned sense of honesty and duty. While I have all kinds of criticisms of the economy and social structure and form of government that we live under, providing value for the money I’m being paid still has meaning to me. We live in a time where so many people get money for doing absolutely nothing. That’s fine for them. Unlike them, when I die I want to be able to say I helped build our world, not exploit it.
Cycling goes with health, but high-performance cycling at the level I choose to prioritize takes several more hours per week than what is necessary to maintain good health. So I’m listing it as a separate, lower priority. I’ll always put my health above my wife and kids, but I won’t but some competitive cycling event ever over them. I will, however, put it over my contributions to the community.
After a lot of reflection, much like my old triathlon days, I’ve decided I can give 800 hours a year. During Triathlon competitive seasons in my 30s with a family with young kids and new job I shot for 500. But my kids are grown and I have an indoor bike with Zwift now so I can do a lot more training and recovery indoors. This should be interesting because at 800 hours I could be top ten for my age group within a year. I don’t need to compete, but I like knowing that I could.
One thing about having been dedicated to fitness and health my whole life is that it is really paying off now. It seems like every day someone is fighting some debilitating disease or health problem on Facebook after years of living with really bad health practices. Now they are getting sick and dying, as calloused as that sounds. Not me, not fucking me. I feel bad for them, but I also recognize they are facing the consequences of a lifetime of horrible health choices. Most of the time, it’s their own fucking fault.
There was a time when I would have put the Church here. The Mormons made me promise to “consecrate” every single second and dollar to the Church when asked above every other priority. Even over our own lives and the lives of our families. Yeah, it is really fucked up. Not any more. In fact, the reason I am deliberately putting this priority below cycling is because I can. There is no commandment from God to put community and “his” church above everything else. That is complete and utter bullshit and I need to internalize that as much as possible. My sense of service and calling has run (and destroyed) my life and I need to actively eradicate that thinking.
I do want to help, however. I want to “lift where I stand” and find more opportunities like I once did to help those in my own backyard.
In addition, I do want to help those online who need to learn tech skills. This means that SKILSTAK will remain, but very importantly it will be my lowest personal priority instead of the top spot it took for so many years. SKILSTAK literally destroyed my health over the last 10 years. It will take me several years to get it back, if I even can. Never again. I will never let a Beginner Boost live stream stop me from spending time on all of my higher priorities ever again.