I’ve been accused of being toxic and a “hater” just for disagreeing with people, sometimes politely with no ad hominum at all. I’m tired of disagreement being categorized as “hate” and “toxicity”. Humanity’s best achievements have been won through vigorous disagreement.
Is saying “Uncle” Bob Martin has shit-for-brains toxic?
Yes. But it’s also true, the misogynistic prick. He has personally ruined lives. I fucking hate Bob Martin because of all the waste he has perpetuated on the world, and all the pain and suffering he has brought entire swaths of the human population. He is free to continue his wretched life, and I’m free to call out his absolute lack of any professional development experience and just how bad his ethics and ideals are for the human population, like Trump or Elon Musk or Sean Hannity or Richard Stallman or Grady Booch (okay, maybe not the latter). And guess what, they could say the same about me. (But, I challenge them to find one shred of evidence I have ever destroyed lives to enrich myself as they have done.)
That “toxic hate” is intentional and unapologetic and not “welcome” in most forums. Calling out this shit is considered “toxic” and for some reason, some people think just staying quiet — or worse — apathetic about it is “what Jesus would do” (or some shit). I promise you, these people will not back down in their idiotic, ego-driven beliefs, so why should the rest of us? Turn the other cheek? Fuck that. They will just keep slapping.
Humans are complex. I get it. We have good and bad in us. Some are pedophilia apologists who also brought the world the “free software” movement. Some where abused as children and psychologically bludgeoned into racist narcissists. Some where forced to drink their own piss by their mothers and went on to murder tens of millions. Some have so few redeemable qualities that they should be in prison and have only basic human rights (even though they would destroy them for others). I would go to war against them if it came to it (and have, in a sense). Understanding why people are shit does not prevent us from protecting ourselves from that shit. Just watch the first X-Men again.
I acknowledge that it isn’t the hate itself that moves humanity forward, it is acting on that hate in a positive way that gives us progress. Don’t get mad, get busy. Act in defense, not offense. And that is what this really is, defense.
In most cases where I come off toxic is defending myself against attacks from others. In other words, they started in, they launched the attacks. So it’s up to us to fight back, with zero human casualties if possible, by producing things that counter their attacks, things that sometimes seem offensive, and words that often are meant to be to cast a proper light on their idiocy.
And when I’m being an idiot? I want the same for me. I don’t want respect. I want a fucking slap in the face to wake me from my stupor. Like when, after a lifetime of Mormon indoctrination, I once thought only two physical genders existed and fought hard to keep it that way. I was a FUCKING MORON! Thankfully, people helped me realize that.
So, when people say I’m toxic, I have zero shits to give. Usually, it’s a compliment actually. It means they are becoming uncomfortable with the truth, that their world beliefs are being challenged. And that’s a good thing. There is no “other side” of the world being round. There is no “discussion” about all humans having the right to life, freedom, and defining love as they see fit so long as it doesn’t stop others from doing the same. There’s no historical perspective that can ever make it okay for a 40 year old to have sex with a child. You cannot change the definition of “free speech” to make it okay to silence any voices from your competition. There’s no world where UML has ever done anything but distract from productive software development. And, yes, women do have a very prominent and powerful role in software development (you prick).
“Why you so mad?”
It’s a constant battle to drive back the anger from my soul because of all the horrible shit in this world. The alternative is soul-crushing depression. It’s even worse when you are passionate and actually care about more things than most people because those things elevate in importance to the level of sounding like a klaxon call to action in one’s head.
Everyone has their line across which a “disagreement” becomes a fucking holy war. For some it is when life begins, for others it is human rights for all, for others it is use of semicolons in JavaScript. Knowing the difference is the key. And keeping the ability to have open, public, even passionate and “hateful” disagreement is key. Having a single “dictator” in charge of what is said has never worked for humans, ever, because one person’s idea of dictatorship is another’s vehement protection of their “safe space.”